#being this hot in a muppets movie should not be allowed

[mercipourlevenim]

i am never getting over jemaine in the muppets movie ok

[spencers-dria]

Lost at Sea

Single Dad Spencer x fem reader

Summary: This is kind of a little Christmas-adjacent fluff peice where Spencer is a single dad, completely clueless while Christmas shopping for his daughter. Reader sees him struggling and decides to help, completely unaware of where it will lead them. I imagined him sometime after the show ended, kinda with his somewhat longer curly hair and glasses. This story is completely fluff and I make no apologies.

Well, that was about the third loud huff from the man standing down the isle from me. This one was so loud it blew his hair around a bit, making it even messier. I try to focus on the task at hand, finding the perfect gift for my best friend’s little girl.

Diana was the closest thing I had to a daughter of my own. Despite Anne’s protesting, I took every opportunity to spoil her daughter rotten. The adorable and precocious little girl had me absolutely wrapped around her finger. I have to fight the urge to buy everything I thought would put a smile on her face, my favorite sight in the world.

But now, I was repeatedly distracted by the clearly frustrated man standing next to me, eyeing the girls toy section like it was an enigma. I decide to approach him, but he’s still to lost in his thoughts to notice.

I clear my throat while giving him a light tap on the shoulder.

“Can I help you with anything?”

“Oh I didn’t realized you worked here.”

“I don’t.” I smile sweetly at him. “You just look like you’re trying to solve the worlds most challenging puzzle over here.”

He meets my eyes with a sheepish smile, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. I try my best to ignore just how attractive this man is. He’s definitely not available.

“I guess in a way I am. I’m trying to buy a Christmas gift for my daughter. It’s safe to say that I know absolutely nothing about girls. I want it to be absolutely perfect, and I just know whatever I get won’t be half of what she deserves.”

“Well I can help with that. How old is she and what does she like?”

He pushes his glasses up his nose, giving me a moment to ogle just how attractive his hands are.

“Her name is Alice, she’s 5. I know she loves Disney princesses. Ariel is her favorite I think... but even once I narrow it down to that, there is still just so much. Who knew shopping for little girls could be so overwhelming.”

I can’t help but giggle a bit at his helplessness. He starts to laugh along with me.

“I’m Spencer by the way.” I see him hesitate a moment before slowly extending a hand. I look at his extended hand with a slight feeling of guilt, knowing he’ll most likely judge me based on my response.

“Oh I’m sorry I hope you don’t think I’m rude but... I don’t really shake hands. It’s not personal it’s just all the germs. I don’t deal so well with them.”

He lets out a soft chuckle, but I can’t imagine why. Is he actually laughing at me? Seems a bit rude.

“You know I used to be the exact same way. I suppose having a kid has changed me more than I realize sometimes.”

I nod, quietly, knowing I can’t really relate.

“I’m sorry you’re probably really busy. Are you shopping for your daughter too?”

Unsure as to the reason why, I’m suddenly embarrassed to admit that I’m not actually a parent. Just a single loner in their mid-thirties, living vicariously through their best friend and their.

“Oh no, just a friend. I’m more than happy to help you out with Alice. If you want my best ideas though, I’ve got to be honest, a lot of it is online. I can show you the links real quick, I’d you’d like?”

“I feel like this would be easier if we just... Would you like to grab coffee? I know a great place just around the corner. You can show me all your ideas and hopefully we can pick out something for her together.”

Up until this point I didn’t want to make assumptions, but it’s becoming more clear that Spencer is most likely a single dad. I don’t want pry, but I can’t help but wonder what happened to her mom.

I try to hide my excitement at his offer.

“You had me at coffee. And I almost forgot, I’m Y/N!”

————————————————

Three hours and several cups of coffee later, I knew a small part of the life story belonging to Spencer Reid. He was an FBI agent, part of a team who hunts down serial killers. A profiler. Or former profiler? He used to work in the field, until he had to raise his daughter alone. He had been fallen hard and fast for someone who left him as soon as another opportunity, or person rather, had presented themselves. They left him a single dad, all alone with his 2 year old daughter, Alice.

Being a single parent, he knew he couldn’t continue a job that put him in harms way on a regular basis. He never had a problem putting his life on the line for others, but Alice had become his number one priority, without question. Switching to a desk job had allowed him to continue as a consult for the team while also teaching at the University.

As I looked over his attire, I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t quite give off professor vibes at first glance. His cozy maroon sweater and glasses, perhaps. But his curly mop of disheveled hair and goofy grin made him look more like a cuddly muppet character. The more I listen to him talk the more I notice his intelligence. I should have known, given his professions. It didn’t take long to realize he was well out of my league, but he was kind enough to give me the time of day for whatever reason.

I keep drowining in his eyes or getting pulled in by the movement of his hands as he speaks. Listening to his voice is like gently floating down like a river. I don’t even notice when he’s stopped talking.

“What about you?”

“Hmm?” I pull myself out of my daze, trying not to look as enchanted by him as I feel.

“Oh uhh, nothing to tell really.” I shrug, picking up my coffe, hoping he’ll change the subject while I sip on my caramel latte.

“I find that hard to believe. What do you do?”

“I just run a small cafe in town.”

I feel as though hearing about my life is about as interesting as watching water boil, but Spencer could have fooled me. He looks genuinely invested as I tell him about how I earned my bachelors and masters in business management, eventually opening up The Cottage. I didn’t have any experience in the food industry, but my friend Nicole had immediately been on board with the idea of coming on as my cook.

“It sounds wonderful. I’ll definitely have to stop by sometime.” He smiles at me before sipping on the last of his second cup of coffee.

“You’re welcome to bring Alice, only if you want to. And Nicole makes a killer risotto!”

“Of course! ...Oh! I knew we were forgetting something. Alice!”

“The entire reason you asked me here, just a minor detail.” I can’t help but snicker at our absent mindedness, how easy it was to be completely swept away in the tide that was Spencer Reid.

His face fades a bit, though I’m not sure why. He simply nods, folding his hands in his lap.

“Sorry if this is weird but umm... can I see a picture of her? It’s just, well, it might help me to get a better idea. You don’t have to, if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Oh yeah!”He pulls out his wallet, unfolding a long strand of small photos, most of just his daughter, a few featuring him as well.

She was beautiful, brown eyed girl with soft, brown locks. She clearly had her fathers curly hair and soft, doe eyes. If it wasn’t obvious from the way he spoke about her, the pictures made it incredibly apparent that this girl was his whole world. Pure joy radiated from the photo of the two of them. I look up to to see the exact same look on his face, with a smile so big that his eyes crinkle.

That is the moment I knew he had me. I would follow this man anywhere, this adorable dad I had met on the toy isle only hours ago. The photos made it evident that she was just as crazy about him. It was almost too adorable for my heart to handle.

I take a deep breath before meeting his gaze, which is much closer now as we lean in over the table to look at the pictures.

“She’s beautiful.”

He looks down at the photos again with glassy eyes. “I know.”

He clears his throat and scoots back into his seat.

“So what did you have in mind?”

“Well, I have seen this online story that makes really pretty hand-made dresses that mimic the ones of each Disney Princess. Maybe a couple of her favorites? They also make knit blankets that look like mermaid tales. Or maybe a stuffed animal of one of her favorite characters? What little kid doesn’t like stuffed animals, right?”

Spencer nods along, absorbing all the suggestions I throw his way. After awhile, I help him settle on ordering a few we both like.

“I can’t wait to give these to her! She always loves Christmas morning. We open presents together and eat the cookies we made the night before while binging as many Christmas movies as possible.”

There was that smile again, the one he got when he talked about her. I wonder if she knows how lucky she is to have a dad that cares so much.

I can’t help but smile as well at the thought, which he quickly interrupted with “So what are your Christmas plans?”

I feel myself turning slightly red at the embarrassment of having to admit that I have none. Nothing much that is.

I shrug, hoping he won’t ask any more about it.

“Do you get to see your family?”

And there it was. The question I was desperately hoping to avoid. I know my inability to meet his gaze and consistent pulling at my fingers would be a dead give away of my uncertainty about speaking on the subject. I search for the best way to answer without seeming like I’m overcome with self pity. To be fair, I wasn’t. I didn’t mind spending the holidays alone. Not anymore. I had grown comfortable with the silence and comfort that comes from living alone.

The soft crackling of the fire, a fuzzy blanket, and a warm cup of hot chocolate had become my closest companions of each winter season. I spent many evenings curled up by the window, watching the snow dust the city as soft music flowed through my drafty, top floor apartment. Sometimes I’d dance and twirl around in my pajamas and socks, slipping and sliding on the wood floors. So yes, it was safe to say I truly enjoyed the time I spent getting to know myself.

“I uh, they’re not really around anymore. I was adopted by my parents when I was still a baby. They didn’t have any family but each other and then, well, me. I lost them to a car crash a few years back.”

I can tell he’s listening, but the one thing I always expect to see isn’t there. Pity. Instead I see kindness and understanding, and my heart welcomes it fully.

“Nicole is on vacation with her family for the holidays so it’s just me. I’m pretty used to it though, I make my own fun.” I give him smile to reinforce my point.

His eyes glaze over and I can tell I’ve lost him to a deep thought, as I see the gears turning in his head. He opens his mouth to speak before closing it again, and finally spouting out: “Come have dinner with us. On Christmas Eve.”

I had half expected a pity invite. A “why don’t you”. A “would you like to”. But Spencer hadn’t asked me. He had told me, in a way that left no room for arguing. I could tell he wasn’t going to budge on the matter. Whether it was the insistent but kind tone or the seriousness in his eyes, I don’t know. But I knew there was no use in fighting it. Not just the invitation, but the feelings quickly flooding my heart. Spencer Reid was like a fast approaching storm, but I didn’t want to outrun the rain. I wanted to dance in it, drenched in the downpour.

And that’s exactly what I did. As soon as I saw the look on his face when I said yes, it crashed over me like a wave, leaving me breathless and lost in the sea of my emotions.

[skinks]

The Toziers convince Sonia to let them take Eddie to disney world on his 14th birthday. Needless to say he LOVES every second of it and that’s when Richie realizes that he’s lowkey in love with him

ok anon stop reading my MIND I was actually thinking weeks ago about this literal very same thing. Well, a variant, but yours is adorable too omg. Also I think a lot about them going as adults post-movie and Eddie spends the whole day just going on the Hulk rollercoaster at Universal over and over

but god imagine Eddie having a huge bowl of Disney World ice cream plonked in front of him at the Rainforest Cafe with birthday sparklers, and they’re like “Eat up son, you’re not 14 every day!” and Eddie tries to blow out the sparklers and not cry simultaneously. Eddie at a theme park is actually so personal. He tries ONE rollercoaster (Thunder Mountain) and immediately becomes an adrenaline junkie, and Richie’s sitting next to him hearing him shriek and swear and their hands are clasped together overhead as they hurtle down a plunging loop, and he’s like oh no.

My thing was that I have this image of a 90s family photo of Maggie and Went squishing long haired teen metalhead Richie between them maybe at Magic Kingdom or in front of the big ball at Epcot, and he’s taller than both of them with a gruesome unintelligible black tshirt on but he’s got the biggest goofy smile, and he’s wearing Mickey ears cause it’s his BIRTHDAY. But 14 is probably better cause maybe like, Went and Maggie saw how upset Richie and his friends all were the year before and want to cheer him up?

Then I thought, his parents say he can bring another friend with him if he likes, and Bev’s already gone to Portland right? Mike and Bill are working, Ben and Stan are both at different nerdy summer camps (I know Richie’s birthday is in March but let’s pretend they take him as a joint bday/end of school year treat) and so he brings Eddie. Richie kinda wanted to bring Eddie the most in the first place, so it works out perfectly. Eddie’s only allowed to go because he’s still riding his gazebos wave of defiance and also they promise Sonia Eddie won’t go on a single dangerous ride (wink), and she’d hate to be seen to be ungrateful, people would talk.

Richie and Eddie get their own room in the motel and trampoline between the two beds because they’re little monsters. They always run out onto the balcony at night to watch the thunderstorms. The first time they walk through the gates at Magic Kingdom Eddie’s like :00000 Richie look! EVERYONE’S wearing fanny-packs!!!! and Richie’s like yeah >:( but you were a cute dork first, and Eddie’s like hey fuck you—wait...... cute? and Richie’s like uhhhh HEY LOOK IS THAT PLUTO

They freak the fuck OUT at the Star Wars bit in MGM, back when it was still called MGM. Maggie and Went let them see The Muppets 3D three times in a row and Richie gets a Kermit shirt, and whenever Eddie starts pestering him about sunblock Richie sings It Ain’t Easy Being Green to drown him out.

The see the Indiana Jones stunt show at MGM and Richie decides he’s gonna be a stuntman. Then they go to the driving stunt thing and Eddie says it would be super cool to be stunt driver, and Richie’s like we can be a stunt team!!!! together!!! And Went grins, “Like Siegfried and Roy,” and Maggie elbows him.

Eddie overcomes one of his many anxieties and pets some lizards at Animal Kingdom. They fill their hats with water from the spouting fountains at Epcot and then put them straight on their heads, dumping water over themselves to cool off. It’s actually closer to Maggie’s real birthday than anyone else’s so they have dinner at Epcot Mexico for Richie, Mags AND Eddie and the mariachi band comes over. Richie and Wentworth start singing a totally inaccurate Spanish Happy Birthday and Eddie almost sinks under the table in embarrassment. People are staring, and he’s so used to people staring in public when his own mom causes a scene, but this is a fun scene, Maggie’s rolling her eyes and clapping along so maybe it’s not so bad.

They make up games to play in the long lines for rides, Maggie and Went joining in on Eye Spy, or Richie’s “Guess Which State That Gross Family Are From” game, but don’t join in with Richie and Eddie’s complicated patty-cake-thumb-war hybrid. Eddie always has a ton of water in his backpack and a lil hand-held fan in his fanny pack, and sometimes in the hotter lines he feels very bold and squishes his and Richie’s faces cheek to cheek so they can share the fan, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference cause Richie’s face almost feels warmer when he does.

At Typhoon Lagoon they wrestle all the way around Lazy River (and get chastised by the lifeguards) and have major water cannon wars. Eddie watches all the fit young lifeguard dudes up in their chairs like 😳😳😳 that looks like a... cool job. Helping people. Hm.

They split a thing of churros. They get right up to the top of the tallest slide and Eddie gets scared, but Richie just clambers all the way back down the stair tower with him, mouthing off at the bigger kids giving them grief, and Eddie’s like “you should have just gone without me” and Richie’s like nah, be it’d no fun without you, and Eddie thinks about this entire vacation and for a wild moment he thinks my whole life would be no fun without you.

They return to see Maggie lying face down on her deck chair and towel, reading her book with her sunny yellow bikini top untied and Went is Very Attentively Applying Sunscreen to her bare back lmao. Richie’s like UGH GROSS and Went jumps a little like, “oh fu—uh, hey boys, you’re back quick.”

The concrete is so hot they have to run quick from pool to pool to stop their soles burning. Richie can’t wear his glasses in the water so he clings to Eddie the whole time, both of them slippery and giggling and Eddie feels like he’s getting a full body sunburn every time their wet bodies bump together, even though he’s wearing like six coats of factor 50.

Oh and you know they go to Universal. Oh BOY do they go to Universal. Eddie screams on the Jaws ride when the animatronic lunges right against where he’s sitting, and he jumps back in his seat and like, Richie must’ve been way closer than he thought because he falls all over his lap and Richie’s like “Hooper ya idiot, starboard! Ain’tcha watching it!” in his Quint From Jaws Voice, which is actually one of his better Voices since Quint sounds like every other curmudgeonly Maine old-timer back in Derry, but this time he’s pretty shaky about it for some reason.

They go to the new Horror Make-Up Show and Richie waves his arm so hard he gets picked as the volunteer, and winds up making the crowd laugh even more than the hosts, they’re all mock-outraged like “Who’s your agent! You’re here from Mouse Town to make us look bad, right?!”

Then when the Wolfman bursts out, Eddie can see there’s a moment where Richie’s whole body flinches bloodless, his arms come up to cover his face, and his head jerks to stare out for a moment into the crowd looking like he did when he saw his face on a missing poster, and Eddie overcomes his terror of being Perceived by the crowd to yell “GET HIM RICH” and everyone laughs, Richie grins, and it’s fine again.

On their last night they go back to Magic Kingdom to see the fireworks, and they’re exhausted. Sun-dazed and sugar-filled and adrenaline-drained and the fireworks make everything kinda dreamy. They’re shuffling along behind Maggie and Went to get a good spot when they see Maggie take Went’s hand. Richie pulls a face at Eddie and Eddie scrunches a face back and they snicker, and Richie makes a mock “oooh~ Eddie~” noise and grabs Eddie’s hand—they both keep laughing and watching the fireworks, but like... then it stops being funny and starts being something else. Richie’s just holding his hand, and the crowd is so thick and dark under ballooning Florida clouds and the fantasy sky, so anonymous that nobody notices but them. Eddie’s heart might be shooting into the sky and exploding into sparks as well, he’s ready to collapse and he can’t possibly LOOK at Richie but for a moment he’s like shit, they’re right. Happiest place on Earth.

[gibbyj]

v happy right now, so think this is a good time to disclose all of my TRUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE experiences of these two universes

not that you care, i mean, you care, but don’t like care care right? i get it, i mean i don’t, but i do haha

anyways

star wars (underlines but gd it’s not worth it on mobile)

- seen: the original (4th, 1st, etc,) i think twice? but was fucking the first time and probably fighting about whether humans should have rights the latter, so unfamiliar

- series pros: carrie fisher, harrison ford, yoda, rei, annakin(?), hans solo, james earl jones, anti capitalism and anti fascism, an entire movie about the senate??? count me in, the muppets scene whose name is— cabana??, the clone wars, probably more things i’m forgetting, GEORGE LUCAS, original directors being allowed to enter the franchise and tell it through their eyes, george lucas being a g and just gunning it and writing the story he *wanted* to tell and getting bank bc it worked

- series cons: the rest of the original cast, jar jar, not telling the voice actor ab who jar jar was, current capitalist overtones and franchising in fucking star wars, adults being upset about a franchise not being told “correctly” when it is ultimately targeted for young people

marvel (underliiiine)

- seen: thor ragnarok (note* not the end credits, had a fight w my boyfriend at the time who wanted to stay for the credits, i thought that was stupid, i waited in the lobby, i didn’t know anything about the marvel universe, did you know there’s scenes back there? ironically i force everyone to sit through credits now for things like script supervisors bc i’m a crazy person), wonder woman? (note* did not watch, spent the entire time kissing my boyfriend at the time’s beck for some reason? at the time i think i thought it was hot but it seems highly unlikely that it was looking back) deadpool, maybe deadpool 2, lol undetermined tbh, into the spider verse?, captain america civil war?, i think one of the ones w scarlet johansson? idk honestly

pros: ABILITY TO TELL A SINGLE STORY ACROSS AS MANY MOVIES AS THERE ARE GRAINS OF SAND, seriously it is a cinematic/story telling feat, zoe salanda, robert downey the second, idk a ton of other talented people that’ll be a lot, same comment about directors, groot, bradley cooper the raccoon, women, self deprivation, spider man, peter parker, black panther, michael b jordan’s character (is he the black panther?), hawk eye recognizing he has no powers tbh

cons: it’s um, all superheroes? incredibly boring, and i uh, think that’s my only complaint really,

[shogunchelios]

Channel Listings

Channel Listings (Click Here to read this with the videos embedded the way it should be.  Warning, it’s in three parts due to the amount of videos I embed. It’s worth it though, trust me.)

Write what you know. That’s the mantra. That’s the advice writers use to get started. When I’ve got the writer’s block going, I repeat the mantra until I can remember what I know. That’s what brought you the sin rankings. From there, I explored Sloth a lot more, by luxuriating in it for a week.

The great irony of sins is that they’re fun as hell. You avoid them so you can go to heaven, right? Then you get to heaven, and what? You’re not allowed to have the maximum amount of fun possible? What kind of eternal paradise is this? All the most enjoyable things we experience, none of that is allowed to be experienced so you can get into this utopia, where...none of that is ever allowed to be experienced?? That’s the long way of me saying, my idea of heaven involves a lot of sin.

The one I’ve thought the most about is, of course, sloth. It was my number one ranked sin for a reason. So if I’ve gone up to heaven, and I’ve got my cloud mancave going, I’m obviously going to have a giant TV. Yes, it’ll have everything on demand, but I’ll be honest. As great as on demand TV is, I still yearn for the days of yesteryear, where you turn on the TV and something is already playing. Then, you press a button to see something else playing, and so on, and so forth. Channel surfing, can you believe that phrase and activity is basically gone now? It’s been replaced by the endless Netflix scroll. You know it’s not as fun.

This is why I’ve come up with my perfect TV channel broadcast schedule. I was trying to program my own channel, with no restrictions since this is supposed to be heaven. The method I use in choosing the shows at their specific time slots is based on a few factors, like nostalgia (childhood all the way through adulthood), but I also think about the standard weekday and what kinds of shows would be on at that time. It can’t be too unrealistic or my cloud mancave would descend into the uncanny valley awfully fast.

Now, without further ado, here is:

The Perfect Cable Channel

4:00 - 5:00 - Mr. Wizard’s World/Planet Earth

You awake in a stupor. You’re not sure where you are or who you are for a bit. Sometimes you’re in bed, sometimes you’re not, but it’s about 4am, and you still have time for a little snooze. Or, maybe you’re a parent and your kid just woke you up and you’re sitting there, trying to get the little fucker to fall back asleep. Who better to help, than the soft sounds of Mr. Wizard’s World.

He was teaching science before Bill Nye had pubes. Mr. Wizard is the OG of making science fun. As fun as it could be back in the late 80’s before adults decided to try to be friends with youngsters. Back then, all adults were united in being curmudgeon around children, perhaps even hitting them if need be, even if they weren’t your own.

Here’s a fun video in case you don’t remember Mr. Wizard: https://www.youtube.com/embed/jM6m9dAIEB8

I added Planet Earth as an alternative, since not everyone had the same great childhood with Nickelodeon playing non-stop on the TV, or up at 4:00am watching it.

5:00-6:00 - Fraggle Rock / Sesame Street / Eureka’s Castle

Still trying to fall asleep. Or perhaps you just woke up now, trying to be a better person by waking up early. Or maybe that damn kid hasn’t fallen asleep yet. Whatever the reason, you’re up at 5:00am and no one wants to be up at 5:00am. The only ones raring to go at 5am are soccer moms and crossfitters. Neither of them are watching TV. You are though. Because you don’t want to be up at 5am. So you turn on the TV to help ease you into the day.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/cxKC3lLhc_w

Real people are way too much to deal with this early. Muppets though? Or puppets? Is muppet only for Muppet brand puppetry? You google that, I’m going to keep going. Bright colors to help your eyes start to adjust, sweet voices to prime your ears for the day, these shows have it all. And if you got a crying kid, well, now you have a babysitter so you can go to the fridge to grab a snack or take a nap on the couch behind the kid as they learn to count.

6:00-7:00 - Morning Show / Weather / News

Now we’re getting to reasonable adult hours. Here’s where most adults getting up, and most kids are falling asleep during summertime hours. What better programming for both types than current events and weather? Kids don’t care, they fall asleep after being up all night watching TV, and adults need something to chit chat about when they get to work. When there’s no friendly morning banter, only your hard, bitter face of resentment over having to work, you get a bad rap. You have to learn to hide that face, like the rest of them. Pretend to be a host of one of these shows. You’ll end up getting promoted.

7:00-8:00 - Saved by the Bell

You go in later in the day. You’re not a part of management yet, and you’ve still got a bright future. Or maybe you woke up and forgot it was your day off. Either way, it’s early, you’re either getting dressed or about to grab a bowl of cereal. Your day brightens up when after a commercial you hear this wonderful theme song:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/fSeTiYspNGk

Zack Morris is the Dobie Gillis of the color TV generation. I think Zac Efron probably took the mantle afterwards, except I think he just did TV movies. Whatever, point being, the ideal model of what kind of teenager to be was best shown on Saved by the Bell. Zack was the number one ideal, obviously, because he was the coolest and perhaps the richest, since he had a cell phone. Perhaps the richest, because last-place Screech (RIP) had a robot, which Rocky Balboa could only afford after Rocky III.

Slater was the ideal for anyone with some athletic ability. He was hispanic on the show, but not enough for him to be a hispanic role model. I’d have to wait for Desperado to come out to get one of those. Kelly was the ideal for hot chicks, Jessie the ideal for smart chicks that like meth, and Lisa the ideal for fashion folks.

I related the best to Mr. Belding. Tries his best, but passed over because of a cooler brother.

8:00-9:00 - Wings

Wings doesn’t get nearly enough love from folks. Same for The Drew Carey Show, but one fight at a time. Wings. At this time of day, the more adult oriented shows start to play, but not too adult. They knew kids like me would tune in on sick days or during the summer time when kids never sleep. I remember watching this at my friend Rene’s house while he had breakfast. I’d leave my house at the crack of dawn to go play outside, but before that, we needed some breakfast and Wings was always playing.

Again, though, not enough folks have even heard of Wings. This Family Guy joke is fairly accurate:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/9Jqv7TlTtno

9:00-10:00 - Price is Right / Wheel of Fortune / Supermarket Sweep

By this time, if you’re still watching TV, then you’re not going to work or school. That means you’ll need to get your brain some stimulation in a different way. Competing along with the folks on the TV, your brain gets the same kind of workout it would’ve gotten at work. The whole time you watch, you also get to feel superior, because for sure you would’ve gotten that last question right. If only you could be a contestant one day.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/fnTbO26u9bQ

When I was a kid, I called one of those numbers they advertised in commercials so you can play at home. I liked dialing numbers I saw to see if anyone would answer. I would freak out my fellow 7-year olds by dialing all these numbers and suddenly there was a voice, asking them if they were ready to switch brands of deodorant. They’d freak, hang up, and we’d laugh and laugh. The time I called that game show, I hung up, and the fuckers called back! I hung up again and hid under the bed. A few weeks later, my dad had to yell at me because they charged him five bucks, even though I hung up. I definitely learned my lesson.

Only call these numbers from payphones.

10:00-11:00 - Morning Cartoon

Believe it or not, but I have notes for the stuff I write. I try to plan things out, like a real writer would, except about dumb things like this. I mention that because I have ‘Morning Cartoon’ written in this spot here, but knowing that it’d be surprising that I even have notes, not surprising is that I’m not sure what I meant by my note. There’s a few things that spring to mind right away.

First, this is where the morning block of cartoons would end if it were Saturday. From 10:00 to 11:00 is when the worst cartoons were on anyway. That was the signal that things were ending and that it was almost time to go play outside. Stuff like Beakman’s World, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, NBA Inside Stuff. Sure, they’re all fine programs (Beakman is my second favorite science show. That’s right, Bill Nye doesn’t even rank with me, how do you like me now), but they’re not cartoons. So, if this were a Saturday, here’s about the time where you’d be wrapping up your cartoon session. Maybe doing that one quick chore, so you can go outside and play, ‘but mom, look, I even made my bed!’

Otherwise, if this were a weekday, I guess here would be a good spot for a Saturday morning style cartoon. Spiderman, X-Men, maybe, since they had the best theme songs. Getting this one-two combo back to back, this will gear you up for the midday slump in daytime TV.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/DZGN9fZvQhc

https://www.youtube.com/embed/sAkL2-vh2Sk

11:00-12:00 12:00-1:00 1:00-2:00 - Classic Cartoons/Sitcoms/Movies

This part of the day is the slowest time for TV. If you’re into daytime talk shows or soap operas, then nevermind, you’re having the time of your life. If you’ve been up for a while and watching TV, here’s about the time where you start looking for something else to do. Or you start thinking of lunch. Or maybe you just woke up now, hungover as hell. Either way, comfort is the way to go here.

Uncle Buck is the best example of a movie to be played around this time. Imagine you’re hungover, and you wipe the crunch out of your eyes as the TV turns on. “I’m Buck Melanoma. I’m Mole-y Russel’s Wart.” Headache or not, you’re going to be smiling.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/xEt5dEOcW0I

The alternative here could be a Looney Tunes marathon, or if you’re not an oldster like me, then maybe some Nicktoons. Sitcoms like Taxi or Who’s the Boss go great here, or, again if you’re not ancient, then you can go with Friends or King of Queens here. Whatever passes the time as you try to recover from that hangover.

2:00-3:00 - Catch-Up Time / Start the binge

You have an extra lunchtime at work today, so you go home and eat. You have the extra time so why not, turn on the TV and enjoy your lunch. If you’re with your spouse, then right now is a good time to watch the rest of that show you were watching the night before. As usual, one of you fell asleep and didn’t see the ending, so here you both watch it, and then you can discuss it afterwards.

If it’s a weekend and you’ve already got your daily errand out of the way, then now would be an ideal time to start on a new binge or to continue the extra long binge you’ve been on.

3:00-4:00 - Game Show

You got out of work early so you get to enjoy a bit of Family Feud or even an early Jeopardy! Maybe it was a slow day, or you’re about to start a three day weekend, but here’s where you can crack open your first beer. You don’t need those qualifiers of course, but they’re good to have when someone wants to call you an alcoholic.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/HeGVeBWECu8

4:00-6:00 - Catch-Up Time / Start the binge

What’s that? I’m repeating myself? Look buddy, I don’t know where you get off telling me how to do my bits, but I’ve had enough of ya. Beat it, and don’t let me catch you around here again. Ok, now that I got rid of that wiseguy, yes, this is a repeat, but that’s because now is when you actually got out of work. Still a good time to catch up on that show from last night, right before you start on dinner.

Not many folks watch TV as soon as they get home from work. Everyone has their own unwinding routine. That’s why I had to repeat this part. If you really want a specific show here, then consider a cartoon that’s aimed at older teens, like Daria, or Gravity Falls/Steven Universe which I haven’t seen, but I hear they’re good. If you’ve had your fill of cartoons, then newer sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother or Seinfeld or The Office.

6:00-7:00 - Sports Pre-Show / New Drama

Depending on the time of year, this is usually when we’re watching the pregame to something or other. If it’s the weekend, maybe it’s the undercard of a fight. During the week, probably football or any other sport you might enjoy is coming up and right now are the highlights and the talking heads.

If it’s spouse TV time, then this is probably when you start your favorite broadcast drama, like Chicago Fire, or Law and Order or This is Us. Perhaps watch the last episode because you forgot what happened because one of y’all fell asleep. All the best stuff starts at 7, so think of this as your appetizer hour.

7:00-8:00 8:00-9:00 - Wrestling / Football / Current Prestige Show / Movie

Date night, Date night. If you got yourself a lady/fella, right now is when you’re watching something that they like. You’re trying to make a move so you want to put them in the right mood. Now’s the time to take care of spousal duties and get through that romantic comedy they’ve been wanting to see.

If you all have been together for a while, then this is when you watch your current favorite prestige TV show. Anything on HBO can qualify here, like Big Little Lies, Mare of Easttown, Game of Thrones. If wifey is out, or if you’re a modern hip couple that does separate activities, this is also when you’re watching football or wrestling.

You demand very little, but watching football and wrestling live are parts of those demands. It doesn’t matter how good the game or show may be, if you’re watching it after it airs, it just doesn’t hit the same level. As much as I try to avoid spoilers, I just can’t help but check my notifications or twitter, and sure enough, there’s the score or the big reveal in wrestling. Once you know who wins the match, no matter how great the match is, the tension is gone. Same with football. The tension is why you’re there. You’re watching this stuff live to get a rush. At this time of night, you’re deciding what kind of night you’re going to have. You need something to match up.

Date night? Romantic movie, some wine, then here comes the smooches, then the snoozes. Single life? Bro movie to get you amped up to go out, like Wolf of Wall Street. Regular domestic night? This is the part of the day where you get your rush. Prestige TV with some murders or lots of t&a like Game of Thrones. It’s all about the rush in this timeslot.

9:00-10:00 - Personal Favorite / Guilty Pleasure show

Around this time, the wife is going to get up to start her bedtime routine, which can take anywhere from half an hour to about an hour and a half. Makeup removal, picking out clothes for the next day, a crapload of creams. Who knows what else they’re up to in that bathroom. So now’s your chance to watch that show that she hates. You know the one, maybe it’s too dirty, or too violent, or too abstract. This could be something like a Cinemax show like Banshee or Strike Back.

If you’re alone, then this is the show you watch because you heard from your friend that it’s good. You want to try something new so now you check it out. It could be something like Letterkenny, or Lupin, or Dave. If you’re with the spouse and they’re not going to bed, maybe you all are living large and are forgoing the sensible bedtime, then respect, my friend, that’s the way to live. Here is where the two of you are watching reality shows like 90 Day Fiance, Married at First Sight, or Real Houswives of Wherever. Yeah, you say you don’t like them, but you can’t help to get invested in these folks.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/iRtbJXNM-aw

10:00-11:00 - Night Show

Folks have jobs and need to wake up early to get ready, so by now, you should be in bed. You’re just watching so you don’t feel so lonely in the dark. That’s why it’s important to have a good friend with you and nowadays, you have so many choices. Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Conan, The Daily Show. They’ll tell you the news, crack a few jokes, give you a funny skit or two. Here’s where you can steal some material to share with the office tomorrow.

Before smart phones and memes, everything would need to be acted out. Part of the fun was the bad impressions and terrible re-telling of jokes from the night before. That’s all gone. Now it’s just ‘did you see that funny bit last night on Conan? Here, watch the video.’ The person watches, laughs politely, hands the phone back, and ask you if you remember the whole Conan vs Jay Leno stuff. You say yes, agree that it was so crazy, then you both go back to your cubicles to wait for the sweet release of death.

11:00-12:00 - Late Show

Still up, huh? I hope you don’t have to work tomorrow, or you’ll be dragging ass when you wake up tomorrow. Oh, you do work tomorrow? Just one more show before bed? Ok, fine. That article you googled says to turn off everything when you’re trying to sleep, but apparently you wake up when you turn off the TV, so you might as well keep it on. You’ll watch with one eye closed so the other eye can get the hint.

To be frank, I lost track of who’s on the Late Show circuit ever since Conan left way back when. Who is it? Seth Meyers? James Corden? But you’re up and you have to watch something. You can’t watch one of your shows and get a jump ahead of your spouse. You can’t watch your guilty pleasure because what if you fall asleep and miss all the important stuff. You have to watch something self-contained but not too challenging so your mind can drift off.

I just hope you’re already drowsy by the time the second guest is coming on.

12:00-1:00 1:00-2:00 - Drunk or High Movie / Commercials

Oh, you’re not drowsy? Just can’t sleep? Been drinking too much caffeine there? Or maybe you just got home from a few after-work cocktails. It’s midnight, you’re up, not too sleepy. Some folks go for illicit substances for the quick fix. Maybe a beer or two, a couple of pills, a joint. Yeah, all the articles you read about sleep say that even though those substances can knock you out, the sleep isn’t genuine so you don’t get full benefit. There might be something to that. I often wake up in the middle of the night after a night of drinking or smoking. I think it’s when my liver is done processing all the junk.

Or you just got home from doing all that and you’re looking for something to watch while you eat a couple pounds of fast food. TV shows aren’t great here because there might be references to things you don’t remember because you’re blasted out of your mind. Movies are the key here. There’s always a great movie playing around this time. Rated R comedies, like Super Troopers, Wedding Crashers, Superbad, Beer Fest, great party movies to watch while intoxicated. If sober, they’re familiar and safe because it’s on Comedy Central and it’s censored.

Be careful the movie you pick here. One time, I couldn’t sleep and stumbled upon a movie about some Mexican American fellas. Oh, someone’s named Miclo, must be that movie everyone references. So I start watching this movie, Blood In, Blood Out, though it was labeled Bound By Honor in the TV Guide. Shit, that movie is 4 freaking hours long! So, find the movie playing on basic cable.

Besides, it’s what’s between the movies that you’re starting to focus on more. Those damn commercials, somehow it’s always when they’re playing that the wife wakes up. She sees sexy college girls that are waiting for my call and turns to me, as if I can control the commercials on the TV, but she doesn’t give a damn. Turn the TV off and go to bed. Ok, jeez, not like I was even paying attention to the commercials.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/kfVA8iSGgDc

2:00-3:00 - History Channel

You tried to sleep, but it’s still not working. You want to put something on that’s safe, so if anyone wakes up, there’s no chance of anything even remotely inappropriate. Even if there’s no one else there, you don’t want to start getting worked up this late at night. Then you’re off on a bender, trying to find some perfect scene to watch while you go to town and then the belt comes out and now you’re dealing with all these new logistics and at this time of night, it’s just too much stimulation.

Nice safe History Channel. Sure, there’s some stuff about aliens on there, but everything is presented in the same way, with lots of big words and names of places and dates. Everything that put you to sleep in school, but now while you lay in your nice comfortable bed. Hopefully soon the sandman comes for you.

3:00-3:30 - Google Deep Dive

The sphinx was constructed around 10,000 BC? No way. I have to get to the bottom of this. Gobleki Tepe? Better check out this YouTube video of when civilization began.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/czgOWmtGVGs

3:30-3:45 - Infomercial

You’re back in bed, it’s so late and you know tomorrow is going to suck. Oh shit, you mean today. You’re not going to get enough rest and you’re going to be so tired at work. Nothing is working. Except turning the TV off, can’t do that and just lay in the dark. That’s when the monsters come.

You would think informercials are great for putting you to sleep, but I always got excited watching them. If I was some sorta rich kid with a credit card, we would’ve had so much crap at home. Ron Popeil was my homeboy and he always had some awesome invention. I think the first one I saw was one I wouldn’t have needed at the time.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/2GeF7A05zQ8

The first one I saw that I pictured myself having was the food dehydrator. I had no idea how it worked though, because I had no idea what that word meant. I would see the contraption, but I couldn’t figure the mechanism. He would lay some meat out on one of the trays, then say he waits a week, then it was jerky. And I’m like ‘HOW?’

https://www.youtube.com/embed/rN1XvTJNrXU

Oh, and don’t get me started on the pasta maker. GREEN pasta?? What?? Yo, don’t even..don’t..Chocolate...CHOCOLATE pasta?? Oh Ron, come on, how can an eight year old kid order one of these?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/j8WMXyXBGpM?start=93

Ron Popeil, the Edison of our time. All these awesome inventions and guess what? It’s never going to cost as much as you think. What? A thousand dollar value? You’ll never pay a thousand dollars. All you’ll ever pay is? FOUR EASY PAYMENTS.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/B0NS44D7MYo

https://www.youtube.com/embed/JHInK-FRD9I

3:45-3:59 - Damn those commercials

Damn it, go grab the belt. Going to have to rub one out to release the sweet sleep chemicals in the brain. Uh oh, be careful, the belt is stuck, you’re going to pass out. It’s getting d..ark...you .. breathe...can’t...almost...there…..breathe..cant..d.

…. .gasp .. .. .. ….a .. .

. ……. gasp. . . .. ……… … . ...r . ….. K… .. ….

*the belt slips off the doorknob. Your body crumples to the floor. Gaaaasp.

You awake in a stupor.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Mature Muppet Noir THE HAPPYTIME MURDERS Happily Receives R-Rating

When you think of film being rated R, it usually doesn’t involve puppets unless you’re into that kind of thing (no judgement). However, when it comes to the upcoming Henson Alternative The Happytime Murders, an R-rating is not only expected, but absolutely necessary.

The Happytime Murders, which has been in development and production hell since 2008, finally got its R-rating this week as well as some outrageous and overly positive feedback on the red band trailer that premiered during the Las Vegas CinemaCon. The trailer was introduced by STX Films chairman Adam Fogelson and promptly described by audience as filthy, graphic and full of Sex. Lots and lots of sex.

    You know the film is the real deal because it’s being directed by Brian Henson, son of Jim and Jane, a skilled puppeteer, technician, producer, and chairman of The Jim Henson Company.  The Happytime Murders is being produced under Henson Alternative, a branch of the company responsible for more adult content such as Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal.

The Happytime Murders centers around a puppet private eye, Phil Phillips (played by Bill Barretta, who has worked on almost every Muppet movie ever). His character is a hardened pariah ex-cop, hot on the trail of a serial killer that he believes murdered his brother and now targets stars of an 80’s television series, The Happytime Gang. He’ll have to team up with a human partner played by the hysterical Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids, Spy) in order to catch the murderer before its too late. Maya Rudolph (Bridesmaids, Grownups), Joel McHale (Community, Santa Clarita Diet), Leslie David Baker (The Office, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie), and Elizabeth Banks (The Hunger Games, Pitch Perfect) will also star alongside a variety of velvety cast mates pulling together the ultimate dirty comedic ensemble. Think Who Framed Roger Rabbit? meets Team America: World Police, with a splash of Scorcese. It’s the perfect entertainment cocktail.

The question must be asked: Is it wrong to get excited about seeing a character resembling Fozzie Bear stabbing someone in the stomach, or to see a character like Miss Piggy getting boned? Probably, But we’re horror fans and that means anything goes, even the medium by which we receive our violence.

    If I may say, this is a brilliant, if anything, respectfully brave endeavor concerning everyone involved. It could not have been easy to pitch this idea to anyone in the film industry back around 2008. However, the genre we stand by so fiercely is one of the single categories of film that is arguably constantly changing and evolving with the time. This combination of actors, puppets, animatronics, and real visual effects to portray heavy noir and murderous material might sound silly at first, but it’s different and that is something we look for as film consumers. Most of the time we’re praying for it.

Whats interesting is that back in 2009, Lisa Henson (Brian’s sister) commented on expanding this human and puppet film universe further past The Happytime Murders to incorporate a variety of genres from comedy to full-on horror. With the recent successes of rated-R movies like Deadpool, Logan, and IT, an R-rating stamped on this “neo-noir-puppet-comedy-thriller” means it’s serious. The reaction to Muppet-like puppets having their brains shot out and dropping F-bombs in the red band trailer might mean that skeptics will have to put a sock in it until it’s released (get it?) and critics as well as audiences can decide if puppets might be here to stay. Guess we don’t have to worry about A.I.’s replacing humans. Actually, puppets might be scarier..PROOF

So, the MPAA rating is marked on The Happytime Murders, which heeds a great warning to parents: This is not The Great Muppet Caper. Should you make the mistake of allowing your child to see it, you’ll be having a very uncomfortable silly string analogy discussion with them.

The post Mature Muppet Noir THE HAPPYTIME MURDERS Happily Receives R-Rating appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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[dweemeister]

The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

Like a security blanket to bundle into on a cold, distressed day, the Muppets have been a force of happiness and entertainment for several decades. 1979′s The Muppet Movie had been a rousing success, as had The Muppet Show – which had just completed its fifth and final season when Jim Henson directed (his directorial debut) The Great Muppet Caper. This second Muppets movie was an attempt to steer the franchise towards its future: feature films (Caper is the second of eight Muppets films so far) and television specials. The Great Muppet Caper does not result in a sophomore slump for the franchise, but there is an important tradeoff that occurs in the film. As Henson created the Muppets, it should be no surprise that this entry represents one of the more faithful portrayal of the Muppets as characters (to an extent). However, this comes at the expense of the heartwarming humanism and messages of perseverance that one comes to expect in a movie starring the Muppets.

More than any other movie in the Muppets franchise, The Great Muppet Caper topples the fourth wall repeatedly. In fact, it happens so often there might not be a fourth wall. Traveling by hot air balloon, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, and Gonzo are commenting on the opening credits – yes you three, some weirdos out there read the opening credits (it includes yours truly, and like Kermit says, the people in the credits have families, too) – and land their balloon just outside their workplace: the Daily Chronicle. The trio are investigative reporters and are tasked with a London assignment where fashion designer Lady Holiday (Diana Rigg) has become victim to a headline-grabbing jewel robbery. With the Daily Chronicle refusing to cover expenses, our Muppet reporters fly in ninth-class (which apparently means the airplane’s cargo hold, with a dangerous method of disembarkation) and check into the battered, but free Happiness Hotel. There they meet up with the rest of tenants – which includes the rest of the Muppets, save one. That one is Miss Piggy, who Kermit mistakes as Lady Holiday and will ask out on a date.

The other human star of note is Charles Grodin as Nicky Holiday. Cameos include John Cleese, Joan Sanderson, Jack Warden, Peter Falk, Robert Morley, Peter Ustinov, and Muppet performers including Henson (Kermit, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf, Swedish Chef), Richard Hunt (Scooter, Statler, Janice, Beaker, and Sweetums), and Jerry Nelson (Floyd Pepper; originated Sesame Street’s Mr. Snuffleupagus and played Count von Count from 1972-2012). One Sesame Street character makes a brief, hilarious cameo with Peter Ustinov.

There are running gags in The Great Muppet Caper that I should not describe in the slightest. In writing a movie for the Muppets, there are two formulae to choose from: the Muppets playing themselves as they look at a tricky situation through their point of view (think: The Muppet Movie and 2011′s The Muppets) and where the Muppets are playing characters that, though somewhat unlike them, retain a part of their Muppety essence (1992′s The Muppet Christmas Carol). The Great Muppet Caper is the latter (even after seeing four Muppet movies, some of the original television series, and the failed 2015 TV series, I’m not sure which I prefer; perhaps you have a preference). The most important joke running throughout the film is that the characters know that they are in a movie and the characters they are portraying are distinct from the Muppets themselves. For example, Kermit and Fozzie are supposed to be related and screenwriters Jerry Juhl (multiple Muppets movies), Tom Patchett (The Bob Newhart Show, ALF), Jack Rose (a longtime writer for Milton Berle and Bob Hope), and Jay Tarses (Bob Newhart, The Carol Burnett Show) – with their formidable, combined comedic writing experience – somehow keep that gag fresh, among others, for the entire ninety-seven minutes.

This film is clever as hell. Its screenplay lands its jabs to the funnybone cleanly, almost never missing. Yet that means as The Great Muppet Caper is reveling in its comedy, the Muppets themselves lose their trademark gentleness and belief that tomorrow is a fresh start to dream, laugh, and play. That positivity – with the exception of The Muppet Christmas Carol – is always embodied by the characters made of felt, fur, and fleece. The Muppets have become so familiar to those of us who have enjoyed their company, and that is why they are allowed to be as self-referential here as they are. Few other comedians or comedic pairings/groups could plausibly make a movie like this and inspire so much laughter.

I don’t mean to sell the writing short, so I will note that The Great Muppet Caper treats Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy with tremendous respect. These are the two people Kermit the Frog has always cared most about; through playing other characters, we see how that love is expressed.

Fozzie is not always effective in The Muppet Movie as he should be – that film portrays Fozzie’s inability to read social cues as a character quirk, not as something that brings disappointment, wrecking his self-confidence. Notice how Fozzie reacts when he believes that when Kermit is going on a date with Lady Holiday Miss Piggy – how innocent this misunderstanding is, how deeply Fozzie is hurt at first when Kermit says that his furry relative (remember, in this film, they are related) can’t come along.

For Miss Piggy, her vanity and volatility are more visible than her vulnerability. As Frank Oz (her performer) once said about Miss Piggy, “she is a seething mass of conflicts... It’s hard enough being a woman in our society. It’s even harder being a pig.” So determined is she to be successful in whatever she decides to pursue, she sometimes forgets the feelings of others she comes to care about. At a younger age, I found this behavior to be frustrating – I’m a guy, so a gendered bias is also involved. Thus, when her misunderstanding with Kermit comes, I felt a sadness there I might not have felt fifteen, maybe even five years ago. Her defenses have fallen, exposed and embarrassed. She and Kermit find a space to reconcile.

That reconciliation, and so many elements to the plot, is expressed through song. Composer Joe Raposo (various pre-Muppet Show Muppet specials, The Electric Company, Sesame Street) wrote all seven original songs appearing in The Great Muppet Caper – none of them mediocre, yet not a single one achieves the transcendence of “Rainbow Connection”. What makes Raposo’s musical score work is that – without the Muppets running around – if these songs were written for humans, they would still be as effective. Opening with “Hey, a Movie!” is a high-energy, exposition-hastening number, even if it might be a discount “That’s Entertainment!”. “Steppin’ Out with a Star” is a fun romp of what some men might do to prepare for a date – the dialogue and banter, of course, being G-rated. But the one song gifted with lush orchestrations is “The First Time It Happens”. It is played as a straight love song, with all the tenderness that Kermit and Miss Piggy can provide with their singing voices. Shortly afterward, Miss Piggy channels her inner Esther Williams in a synchronized swimming sequence entitled “Miss Piggy’s Fantasy” (complete with Dick Powell-like singing from someone dubbing Charles Grodin). Raposo’s familiarity with the Muppets pays dividends for The Great Muppet Caper.

That old saying about something not happening before pigs fly? You might need to update that to pigs performing complicated choreography in the pool. For this scene, eighteen professional swimmers were employed with all lighting, camerapersons, and speakers being placed underwater. Frank Oz had three days to learn scuba diving so that he could have Miss Piggy perform these sequences to perfection.

With Jim Henson directing, there are other ways in which the Muppet performers – Henson, Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt, Dave Goelz, and Steve Whitmire – are allowed to show off. Where Kermit riding a bike impressed audiences and critics a few years prior, Henson figured that he might as well have all the Muppets riding bikes at the same time. For the musical number, “Couldn’t We Ride”, no computers were used. Instead, all of the Muppet performers clambered into cranes and rode bicycles of their own – attached to the Muppets’ bikes – while synchronizing their pedaling with the music and lyrics. Kermit’s stunt where he is riding his bike with only one hand included some complicated string puppetry. The final sequence where everybody is seen riding together saw Henson and two children (including one of his sons) riding oversize tricycles attached to the Muppets’ bikes with rods to complete the illusion.

Because The Great Muppet Caper knows that it is a movie and that it actively recalls Hollywood’s musical past, it comes off comforting nostalgia that neither alienates younger viewers or distracts older ones. It lacks that clear-eyed humanity of other Muppets movies, but this film has what one would want from Kermit, Miss Piggy, and company as it preserves what is essential to these characters: humor, vibrancy, and reassurance. Though we laugh at their pain (pain is funny), we witness how courageous they are in remaining optimistic through their struggles. As we watch the Muppets, we question if we are capable of such fortitude. I tend to think we already know the answer – sometimes, we just need a reminder.

My rating: 7.5/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here. 

[surveysonfleek]

401.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 12

1101. Continued…Let's see if I'm psychic. You wrote three yes or no questions. Now I will answer them. 1 yes 2 no 3 no Did I get any right? not really since they’re all questions about the future. 1102. You wrote one question that can be answered with a color (example: what color is my car). I say.... White. Is it true? no, my hair is not white. 1103. You thought of a number between 1 and 100 and typed it down. Was it 14? nope. 1104. You wrote one more question, anything you wanted. The answer is yes, 42, orange, Matt, Josh, Kim, Nicole, whatever or your mom. Does that answer your question? no. 1105. Do you think that Britney Spears would make a good Bond Girl? not anymore.

1106. Have you read anything by C.S. Lewis? nope. 1107. What is your favorite movie with Bill Murray? charlie’s angels. 1108. What is your favorite movie with Jack Nicholson? i only know of one. 1109. What is your favorite movie with Christopher Walkin? no idea. 1110. What is your favorite movie with Johnny Depp? what’s eating gilbert’s grape. 1111. What is your favorite movie with Orlando Bloom? elizabethtown. 1112. What rhymes with 'orange'? nothing. 1113. Why do guys have nipples if they will never need to feed a baby? no idea. 1114. Some people think that couples should be screened before they are allowed to reproduce (so that people who cannot afford to support a child don’t have one, or so that a child won’t be born into a dysfunction family or to unfit parents). What do you think about this? it’s kinda bullshit. a lot of people could fake these sorts of tests, parents who might not be able to afford a lot of things could also be way better parents than rich folk. 1115. Have you ever swallowed an object by accident? nope. 1116. Did you get it back? - 1117. Do you prefer He-Man or She-Ra? - 1118. Are you proud of yourself? not yet. 1119. Who should go to hell? anyone that supports terrorism. 1120. Is your eyesight 20/20? hell no. 1121. Have you ever had insomnia? yes. 1122. Does it bother you when people touch you? it depends who and where. 1123. Is it better to get too much or too little sleep? too much lol. 1124. Have you ever given away something you made? What? idk probably arts and crafts stuff we’ve made at school. 1125. Is it better to have kids when you are in your teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, or older? 20s or 30s. but it also depends if you’re ready. 1126. What gets your adrenaline pumping? risky decisions. 1127. Is hell all fire and brimstone or is it personal for everyone like in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey? Or does it not exist? idk. 1128. Do you ever talk about yourself in the third person? no. 1129. What's your favorite radio station? What kind of music do they play? i hate the radio tbh. 1130. What did you think of these movies: Election? Gone With the Wind? Fight Club? Spider Man? good i guess. The Virgin Suicides? i remember liking this but i already forgot how it went. Resident Evil? Signs? everyone at school used to talk about this. Muppets from Space? Pearl Harbor? Halloween Resurrection? The Dark Crystal? 1131. Is everyone special? sure. 1132. Are your toes: Painted (what color)? Manicured? Sparkly? Soft? Wearing a toe ring? Do you have hobbit-feet? no to all. 1133. Do you believe there is anyplace still undiscovered in all the world? haha most definitely. 1134. Whose picture would you like to paint a target on and throw darts at? idk. trump. 1135. Is love all you need? not always. 1136. Ever caught a fish? yes! 1137. Are you adventurous? not really. 1138. Are you afraid of mediocrity? nope. 1139. Would you rather die tomorrow or have all your friends die? i’d rather die tomorrow. 1140. What are 3 things you don't understand? 1 why are people rude 2 why does my laptop seem to get worse every time i update it 3 why is it so hard to get a job when i’m over qualified 1141. I would do anything for love but I won't do 'that'. What is 'that'? idk. 1142. Has your diary ever been rated? i don’t think so? 1143. Do you do more than kiss on the first date? i personally haven’t. 1144. Are you very liberal or conservative? liberal. 1145. What do you like about your neighbors? most of them are quiet and keep to themselves. 1146. I read that by 2010 they expect to market a gene therapy procedure that will increase the life spans of adult human beings by double or triple. If this happened would you have it done? eh, probably not. 1147. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. Did you clap? no. 1148. Was this year a good year for you? somewhat. 1149. What are you looking forward to next year? idk yet. i haven’t made plans. 1150. Are you a Jim Henson fan? not really. 1151. What do you think of these diarist names? ToxicToast: Solitary Music: gemini_wish_star: juneberry: haha idc. 1152. Do you read the Diary Master’s diary? no. 1153. Have you ever made an enemy on OD? no. 1154. Have you ever (or do you know anyone who’s) been deleted from OD? idk what that is. 1155. Were you ever in the first row of a concert? no. someday! 1156. Did you ever meet a celebrity? Who? most recently niall horan. 1157. Do you have any autographs? yes. 1158. Can you visualize whirled peas? yes. 1159. Are there some situations where love just isn't enough to keep 2 people together? When does that happen? if someone has to move away. 1160. Do you have no attention span? i do but it’s short. 1161. What do you think of these entry titles? me. back. home: steak and butter: yum. The Smurfs Go Communist: The controversial Athens: 1162. Have you ever been wrongly accused? yes. 1163. When you wash your hair do you blow dry it or let it dry naturally? i do both. 1164. Where does your family go on vacation? usually to the philippines. 1165. Have you ever been to: Newport, Rhode Island? driven past it. Dutch Wonderland? no. Salem, MA? also drove past it. Niagara Falls? yes. 1166. Have you ever given money to OD cares? no. 1167. Have you ever created an OD interest? If yes, what interests did you create? no. 1168. What do you think of these entry names? DEAR SOUL FRIEND 57 Loss: I had a good title but i forgot it: Left Alone: yeah yeah...he kissed her: cool. 1169. If you have aol what is your 'you've got mail' sound? lol i don’t. 1170. What will you never have enough of? food. 1171. Who can you only handle in small doses? my boyfriend’s family. 1172. You are at a magic auction where you can bid on impossible things but you only brought enough money to buy one thing. Out of these..which would you buy? entrance into whatever afterlife you believe in a guarantee that you will have at least 3 books published in your life a new car, house and boat each year unending creative inspiration ultimate compassion and acceptance of others a trip into outer space perfect health for the rest of your life 1173. In the above question if finding perfect love was a choice would you change your answer? umm probably not. 1174. What food is so fattening or unhealthy that you would NEVER touch it? i’d try everything once tbh. 1175. Which do you love more, your country or your planet? country. 1176. What do you think of: Abba? nothing really. iconic songs i guess. Brian Adams? he had some bops back in the 90s. No Doubt? they were ok. 1177. Are you more logical or emotional? logical. 1178. Do you think that tattoos and piercing are overrated? no, i just don’t care for them. 1179. What do you think of these diary titles? The Seamless Garment: Your eyes can be so cruel: What was, is no more: shock me sane: omg i don’t care about these. 1180. Do you believe that Michael Jackson molests children? i have no idea. i feel like he was just a child trapped in an adult’s body and found comfort in hanging out and making children happy. we’ll never really know. 1181. Hypothetically, let’s say that he did molest them. Who would you feel should be held MORE accountable, Michael Jackson or the parents that allowed their children to go to Never Land Ranch unsupervised for sleepovers? idk. both. 1182. Have you ever been to: Manhattan? yes. Disney? yes. Paris? yes. Anywhere cooler? they’re all cool. 1183. What 3 music videos should everyone download? none lol. just stream it. 1184. If someone bet you ten dollars that you couldn’t sing the whole Gummy Bears theme song, would you be able to do it and win? no. 1185. Do you like Bjork? no. 1186. How about the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club? no. 1187. What do you think of Moby? boring tbh lol. 1188. What do you think of Alien Ant Farm? one hit wonders tbh. 1189. What do you think of the Flaming Sideburns? idk them. 1190. Do you believe that imps, trolls, giants, dragons, unicorns, etc. were real but became extinct? nah. 1191. What sucks? life. 1192. What do you think of these diary titles? Geologist to the Stars: The Hussy Chronicles: Gravy: Napping in the Broom Closet: again, idc. 1193. Do you ever think about suicide? no. 1194. Do you believe that Jesus Christ was a real person? How about Noah? yes, it was already proven he actually existed. idk about noah. 1195. What is one luxury you refuse to live without? my phone. or a hot shower. 1196. What is one luxury you feel you could live without? a car. 1197. Do you feel that you are high, medium, or low maintenance in a relationship? medium. 1198. What do you think of these diarist names? N.Y.S: Collapsibleman: *})|({*: black dove: omg bye. 1199. Do vegetables taste better from the store or from your garden? idk i’ve never had any veggies from my garden. 1200. How long have you spent on this survey so far? idk haha.